Ask Amy: Engaged couple tries to protect guests’ health at wedding, but mother of the groom is causing trouble

Dear Amy: My daughter and her fiance are working on their wedding invitations. They wish to invite only those who have received the Covid vaccination who can also show a negative test result before attending the event.

They want to protect vulnerable friends and family members with health risks (e.g. cancer patients and elderly people).

However, the mother of the groom is putting a lot of stress on the grooms to invite her unvaccinated brother and his unvaccinated family because she doesn’t want them to get angry and wants to be able to keep the peace within the family.

What would you suggest in this situation?

– Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother of the Bride: First of all, this is the couple’s wedding and the parents shouldn’t pressure them to invite someone they don’t want to invite.

However, if the couple plans to invite only vaccinated people to their upcoming wedding, that puts them in a position to police or demand proof of who is and isn’t vaccinated.

And what about guests who have had two or three Covid vaccinations but no recent boosters? Or guests vaccinated for Covid but not for the flu (which seems to be particularly bad this year)?

(According to a recent New York Times story: “The flu, which normally peaks in February, drove hospitalization rates to their highest level for this time of year in more than a decade, surpassing hospitalizations from Covid -19.”)

I think it would be helpful to remind guests to take a Covid test at the latest 24 hours before the event. The wedding couple could also have quick tests on hand and ask guests to arrive 30 minutes before the ceremony to self-test before entering the venue – and provide masks and encourage people to wear them inside.

Immediate pre-wedding tests might be a whole new thing! I envision soft music to ease the slight anxiety as people await their results.

It would be thoughtful for these hosts to remind their most medically vulnerable guests to keep up with their recalls, get flu shots, and wear a high-quality mask.

Dear Amy: My husband, who is a wonderful person, has a habit of telling various stories.

Okay, but there is a story that drives me crazy.

He has overcome kidney stones, which he says (and I believe) were very painful.

His sister also had kidney stones. She gave birth to three children.

My husband says his sister told him that kidney stones are much worse than childbirth and that she would give birth *any time* with a kidney stone episode.

I have personally never had kidney stones, but I gave birth and it was no picnic. I find it irritating that you compare the two and try to make me one against pain!

Do you have an adequate answer?

– No stones

Dear No Stones: Your husband isn’t comparing the pain of childbirth to kidney stones, his sister is. She has lived them both, so it is not possible that – for her – it is true?

I know no two birthing stories are the same and I assume the same could be said for kidney stones. However, in researching your question, I think it’s possible that passing a large kidney stone may in fact be more painful than passing a large child.

Factors to consider are the fact that a woman’s body and mind prepare for childbirth. Women anticipate pain, have a variety of medical and nonmedical coping strategies, and know that when the pain is over, they will have a baby. Hormones rush over to the mother after childbirth and some of the pain is mercifully forgotten.

With a kidney stone, there is a lot of mysterious pain before the kidney stone passes and then as it works its way into the bladder, the pain can be extremely intense. In an article I read, a doctor compared this pain to amputation of a limb.

I can understand this habit of your husband being irritating (not irritating like a kidney stone or pregnancy), but neither experience is a “picnic.”

Dear Amy: I was shocked by the letter from “Joan’s Cousin,” which reported that Joan’s ex-husband had invited himself and accompanied the family on a Disney trip that Joan had paid for.

I don’t know your financial situation, but you should ask your lawyer if your ex can be forced to reimburse you for the cost.

– Inverted

Dear upset: This is definitely something to ask about.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @akingmy or Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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