Tag Archive | "Obama"

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

CHICAGO – First year students were dismayed last Tuesday night when President Barack Obama failed to propose a solution to the lack of summer funding for the M1s’ mandatory Area of Scholarly Concentration project. While Obama discussed many issues in his speech – from healthcare reform to gun control – he did not address the one budget gap that is concerning students at Feinberg School of Medicine most.

“I took time off from studying to watch the speech,” said Eileen Richardson, a concerned M1. “Now I don’t know what BOOP is and there’s still no answer to how I’m supposed to pay rent in June and July.”

Students were hopeful the Obama administration would be able to find an answer to the question that has plagued the M1s since Arrival Week: how will the mandatory research for the coming summer be funded?

“Haven’t we talked about climate change enough?” Caleb Hui, another distraught first year student, asked. “I was really hoping Obama could shift gears, roll up his sleeves and solve a real problem.”

“See if I vote for him next time,” Hui added.

Posted in No. 7, PoliticsComments (0)

<em>Flipside News Network</em> Projects Unanimous Obama Victory

Flipside News Network Projects Unanimous Obama Victory

DISCLAIMER: This projection and study was funded by MSNBC, CNN, NPR, the City of Chicago, the Democratic Party, Boystown, women, pretty much every academic institution, and most developed countries.

FLIPSIDE NEWS HEADQUARTERS (AKA SECRET BASEMENT FORT) – President Barack Obama will win Tuesday’s election over Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, by a margin of 538 electoral votes to zero, according to the Flipside News Network’s recent projection. Representatives from every Flipside convened in an undisclosed location this weekend to analyze the data gathered from a nearly one month study.

“We’ve utilized our collective resources and, with help from our generous contributors, produced a very accurate and precise projection, one that we’re very proud of,” a Flipside News Network spokesperson stated to the press.

The representative from The Feinberg Flipside informed reporters, “Everything that I learned from Medical Decision Making was used in this study. Confidence intervals, relative risk ratios, that other risk ratio that was on the exam that I couldn’t figure out, and all the biases. Especially selection bias [wink wink].”

Despite their assuring the media that the study was done honestly and correctly, there are many who doubt the predictive value and validity of the Flipside News Network’s work. The bias of the Flipside representatives has come into question because of the organization’s history of being liberal regarding more or less every political issue, as well as their refusal to attract readers other than college students.

“All they did was contact their friends, at least one from every state,” one GOP pundit explained on Fox News. “That’s the only way Mississippi and Alabama are going blue.”

The representative from The Stanford Flipside later admitted, “Well, we don’t know anyone other than college students. We were going to call people outside of academia to see who they were voting for, but we didn’t have time, what with midterms and football to worry about.”

The Flipside News Network plans to outsource their next study to statistics majors and not blow all their money on a kegger and donations to the Democratic Party.

Posted in No. 4, PoliticsComments (0)


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