Tag Archive | "Exam"

Gunner Hopes World Doesn’t End Until <em>AFTER</em> First CV Exam

Gunner Hopes World Doesn’t End Until AFTER First CV Exam

PRE-APOCALYPTIC EARTH – As the 5125 year long Mesoamerican Long Count calendar comes to on end on December 21, 2012, many are preparing for a cataclysmic event. It has been suggested that the Mayans predicted the end of the world on this day because of the start of a spiritual or physical transformation. A physical transformation may include the arrival of the next solar maximum, a black hole in the center of the galaxy, or a collision with the planet “Nibiru.”

December 21st is also the day of the next Feinberg M1 exam. Go figure.

Some FSM students are taking the threat seriously. One student admitted to not searching for an AOSC advisor. Another student revealed that he hasn’t filled out an evaluation since the first block of PBL. Others are not concerned at all and happily go about their normal business, while a handful couldn’t care either way.

Alfred Stevenson, a well-known M1gunner, is largely indifferent when it comes to the Mayan prediction.

“End of the world? That’s the last thing on my mind right now. I finally finished the 200 pages of reading for Health and Society. Time now to memorize the 12 lead locations of an ECG and how to precisely calculate interval axes. […] To be honest, I don’t care if something bad happens, just as long as it doesn’t happen until 12:01pm CDT. Exams are my time to shine, don’t want to miss out on such a great opportunity to destroy yet another exam!”

It is curious that an exam has been scheduled on December 21st, the first organ system based exam no less. Perhaps that’s the catastrophe the Mayans predicted? If the difficulty of this first CV week is any indication, it could very well be what they had in mind. Or, it could initiate the start of a spiritual transformation. Like you realizing that medical school is actually really hard.

Posted in Local, No. 5Comments (0)

Foundations Exam III Actually Just a Grizzly Bear

Foundations Exam III Actually Just a Grizzly Bear

CHICAGO – Feinberg first years were horrified to discover last Wednesday morning that their third and final Foundations exam was actually just a ravenously hungry Grizzly Bear released into the auditorium.

“We looked down, and saw it. Must’ve been 8 feet tall, if it was an inch. Claws out. Ready to chow down,” recalled Sam Waterdale. “The thing just grabbed someone in the front row and went to town.  There was so much blood.”

Students who spent countless hours memorizing bacteria genera and chemokine receptor acronyms were startled that the exam put forth was just a viscous Grizzly Bear, starved for weeks and baited with a pheromone for aggression.

Tiffany Samuels described the atmosphere to Flipside reporters well: “I was just glancing down at the closed test booklet, feverishly recalling what few worthless facts I could remember about Bordatella pertussis, and then it was there. Hungry. Ripping open my friend’s arm.”

Students are quite shaken up by the horrific experience and have taken this graphic and disturbing experience home with them for Thanksgiving.  Upon returning to campus, the M1s are understandably anxious to pick up their blood soaked, written exam objectives from AWOME.

“I mean, I want to know what topics I have to review again. But, I just don’t know if I can re-live that horrid experience. I still haven’t made my mind up about whether or not I’m going to AWOME to get the exam objectives,” a distraught Samuels stated.

Feinberg M1s hope to be faced with something slightly less destructive come Cardio unit.  “I don’t know. A wolf. A cougar.  Just not another Foundations III, please,” begged Waterdale.  “Hell, I’d even take a few dozen venomous snakes.  Just not this again.  We can’t handle it.”

Students informed The Flipside that they are ready to push forward with their education, and will be wearing black ribbons on their left shoulders for the remainder of the 2012-2013 academic year to commemorate those lost during Foundations Exam III.

Posted in Local, No. 4Comments (4)


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