Tag Archive | "Bane"

Feinberg Bane Only Student “Promoted with Distinction”

Feinberg Bane Only Student “Promoted with Distinction”

AWOME – The results of the Phase 1 portfolio review were released by the Portfolio Review Committee earlier this week. The individualized feedback was originally promised to be delivered about four weeks prior and, as a result, the Committee received a below benchmark rating in PBMR-5 (arrives on time) from the students.

The class of 2016 was originally informed that each competency would be graded on a scale from “requires remediation” to “promoted with distinction” and that this information would be reported to residency  programs in the future. That decision was quickly rescinded, as the Committee cited concerns over Phase 1’s pass/fail policy. In recent days, it has been reported that such a decision has been upheld, but with one minor modification.

“We are delighted to promote the first members of our new curriculum into Feinberg’s clinical years and wish them continued success,” a spokesman for AWOME said in a press conference Tuesday. “We expect that the students that have been ‘promoted’ will begin their clerkships in May and June. Despite our earlier promise to only award the distinction of ‘promotion,’ our Portfolio Review Committee has decided to award one exemplary student with the “promotion with distinction” label.

Sources close to the The Flipside have confirmed that this medical student is none other than Feinberg Bane, a known member of the League of Shadows. He was “promoted with distinction” in all competencies, as early reports suggest he received ratings of “9” in all evaluations submitted to date.

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Adriana Nabakov, member of the class of 2016, disclosed to The Flipside. “The administration has adopted him as the defender of the new curriculum, so of course they like him. Plus, his PBL presentations were always pretty awesome I guess. And those cookies he made for his small groups were like nothing I’ve ever tasted. Delicious! You know what, he deserves the honor.”

Fellow student Alan Harpington wasn’t so quick to give Bane accolades.

“Oh, please. Bane thinks he’s so smart, that he knows everything. Always looking for ways to be a gunner. He’s no better than the rest of us.”

At press time, Alan Harpington was reported missing. He has not been seen on campus since early Tuesday morning.


AWOME has confirmed that Feinberg Bane will graduate with the MD class of 2014 in the upcoming Feinberg commencement. School officials cited his impeccable portfolio review as the reason for his early graduation.

Posted in Local, No. 9Comments (0)

FSM State of the Union Address

FSM State of the Union Address

From the desk of the Class President:

Esteemed friends and colleagues,

It is my distinct pleasure as Class President to deliver the annual Feinberg State of the Union Address, honoring the age-old FSM 3.0 tradition of doing so via an online newspaper. I consider this an opportunity to evaluate how my administration has done so far in addressing your needs as well as an opportunity to fill you in on what’s in store for our class moving forward.

In case you used all four of your personal days during my tenure as President and therefore missed all of it, here are a few highlights of what we’ve accomplished so far.

Under my Presidency, I successfully kept the books out of our libraries. Your privilege, nay right, to spy on your classmates through the bookshelves and wonder if what they are studying is maybe something you should also be studying. I also participated in what was only the second worst rollout in the country this year: the Summative Portfolio (thanks healthcare.gov!). And most importantly, I saw at least 50% of the class complete Step 1. While this may be 50% less than any other class in the history of Feinberg entering M3 year, it’s also infinitely more than the number of students who completed Step 1 during my predecessor’s regime. Think about it.

While all of this has been great, I can confidently say things are only looking up for the class of 2016. I’ve been able to reach across the DHW aisle and create the following new policies for our M3 year.

Starting immediately, the no laptop policy from SAM V will now apply to life in general. You’ll thank me when you realize this means you never have to cope with NMH Guest Wi-Fi again. Additionally, the system of underlining, bolding, and highlighting from our weekly CEC emails that conditioned us to ignore 95% of any email from AWOME will now be incorporated into Powerchart to help us adjust to life on the wards. And finally, it is now required that all oral presentations during the Ob/Gyn rotation are delivered in the voice of Bane because we’ve finally found something we’re pretty sure Dr. Garcia likes.

In summary, I believe the state of our union is strong. I hope you are satisfied with your Feinberg experience thus far and are as excited as I am for our bright future together. May you fully enjoy the upcoming year and may the sparkle in your pretending-to-be-excited-about-everything M3 eye always be in the shape of the Feinberg competency compass.

God bless you, and God bless the Feinberg School of Medicine.

With love,


Posted in No. 9, PoliticsComments (0)

Weird Kid Won’t Stop Doing “Bane” Impression

Weird Kid Won’t Stop Doing “Bane” Impression

CHICAGO – This year’s In Vivo show was well received, getting many laughs and accolades from both students and faculty. The show’s main thematic was impressive, as were the various video skits and parodies. One skit, which featured a brief Feinberg spinoff on The Dark Knight Rises, included an M1 (as the Batman villain Bane) being interrogated by an M2 who wanted to know why he was always in class. The skit mimicked the lines of the movie’s opening scene.

“Or perhaps he’s wondering why someone would schedule a plenary,” M1 Bane says to the M2, “before we’ve even learned anything.”

The writer, actor, and voice of Bane in that skit, Nick Zessis, has received many compliments and has shown himself to be very proud, perhaps too proud.

“I think this whole Bane thing has gone to his head,” an M1 anonymously told The Flipside via email. “Yeah, it’s a pretty good impression, but enough is enough. All he does is talk in that voice now. We were in anatomy lab the other day, he looked at me and yelled, ‘Your precious anatomy lab. Gratefully accepted. We will need it.’ What does that even mean?”

Charlie Hutchins, who often sits next to Zessis during lecture, has frantically asked him to quit it.

“Every day after lecture, he turns to everyone and says, ‘Time to go mobile.’ Yes, Nick, we get it, you’re about to walk home from class. Again. Stop it already.”

The impression is also used in front of faculty, even during PBL presentations.

“Bane, I mean Nick, had a learning issue about heart transplantation,” Dr. Bob Bobertson informed Flipside staff. “I couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying. I wish he would have included subtitles in his powerpoint.”

When asked to comment, Zessis could only reply, “Now is not the time for fear, doctor. That comes during the OSCE.”

Of course, there are always some dissenters. Shelia Dunkinhop didn’t think Zessis was that great in the skit.

“His Bane was mediocre at best. Dr. Cochard’s Dr. Cochard impression was better.”

***Yes, again, I realize I’ve written an article about myself. If you don’t like it, well, maybe you should write something. Seriously, if you have an idea or want to write an article, I’d love to hear from you. Why do you think it’s been like two months since The Flipside’s published an issue?***

Posted in Entertainment, No. 6Comments (0)


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