Tag Archive | "AoSC"

Feinberg Students Attempt to Unionize

Feinberg Students Attempt to Unionize

CHICAGO — The Northwestern football team participated in an historic vote on Thursday that could change college athletics as we know it. Following the lead of their comrades to the north, Feinberg students are seeking to secure and uphold their rights by attempting to unionize as well.
“We’re think we deserve to better treatment,” explained medical student Nicole Palmer. “The football team claims that they are employees of the university. They make money for the university and are compensated by receiving an education. Because of that, they should be allowed to unionize. To me, football players and medical students are essentially in the same boat, so we should be able to unionize as well.”
She continued, “Football players have 3-a-day practices, we have 4-a-day lectures. They get yelled at by coaches, we get yelled at by attendings. They do service within the community, we do AOSC. They complete passes, we pass with concern. The similarities go on and on. But in the end, medical students provide this university with countless hours of free labor. We demand the right to form a union.”
A poll asking students what they hoped to gain from a Feinberg Union included three overriding responses: fewer plenaries, bigger marshmallows for bigger bridges, and a dental plan.

Posted in No. 9, Politics, SportsComments (0)

Lack of AOSC Funding Cited as Reason for N. Korea Nuclear Threat

Lack of AOSC Funding Cited as Reason for N. Korea Nuclear Threat

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 8Comments (0)

AWOME to Hire U.S. Congress to Solve AOSC Financial Woes, Students Hope That “Two Wrongs Make a Right”

AWOME to Hire U.S. Congress to Solve AOSC Financial Woes, Students Hope That “Two Wrongs Make a Right”

WARD BUILDING – In light of the pending AOSC fiscal cliff, the Augusta Webster Office of Medical Education has decided to hire the U.S. Congress to help solve the financial fiasco. As part of FSM 3.0, students are now required to do a summer research project. Students seem a little trepidatious about the new requirement.  M1 Cindy Winstead stated, “I think AOSC will look good on my CV, but I’m a little worried about going into more debt. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“We feel bad about making students go into more debt,” a spokesperson for AWOME told The Flipside. “We wanted to help the students out, so we asked ourselves, ‘Who is used to massive amounts of debt and has practice avoiding accountability for it?’ Naturally, the U.S. Congress was the first thing to come to mind.” Later this month both the House and the Senate will fly, first class of course, to Chicago and help AWOME find a solution for the flubbed AOSC funding.

M1 Tobias Trommler expressed his skepticism, “I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t think they’ll be able to pull it off. The cliff is too near and I think we’re doomed. I think our best bet is if they just cancel each other out. Kind of like on Jurassic Park. You know, when they’re getting chased by raptors and then the T-rex jumps in and eats the raptors? I just hope that AWOME and Congress can distract each other enough so that the rest of us can get away.”

Posted in No. 7, PoliticsComments (0)

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

CHICAGO – First year students were dismayed last Tuesday night when President Barack Obama failed to propose a solution to the lack of summer funding for the M1s’ mandatory Area of Scholarly Concentration project. While Obama discussed many issues in his speech – from healthcare reform to gun control – he did not address the one budget gap that is concerning students at Feinberg School of Medicine most.

“I took time off from studying to watch the speech,” said Eileen Richardson, a concerned M1. “Now I don’t know what BOOP is and there’s still no answer to how I’m supposed to pay rent in June and July.”

Students were hopeful the Obama administration would be able to find an answer to the question that has plagued the M1s since Arrival Week: how will the mandatory research for the coming summer be funded?

“Haven’t we talked about climate change enough?” Caleb Hui, another distraught first year student, asked. “I was really hoping Obama could shift gears, roll up his sleeves and solve a real problem.”

“See if I vote for him next time,” Hui added.

Posted in No. 7, PoliticsComments (0)

FSM Thanks Guinea Pig M1s by Enlisting them in Forced Labor

FSM Thanks Guinea Pig M1s by Enlisting them in Forced Labor

NEWS IN BRIEF

CHICAGO – The ongoing AOSC funding debacle rages on at the Feinberg School of Medicine. It appears that students will not be financially compensated for their required summer projects.

“We’ve already sacrificed enough, at least I think so,” M1 Roger Halperton told The Flipside via phone interview. “We’ve put up with the lack of organization, not being able to see our tests, etc. I know we knew the risks of coming to a school starting a new curriculum, but by not paying us this summer [for AOSC research], we’re more or less doing forced labor.”

Students will be offered additional loans as compensation, but that’s not really the issue at hand.

“I pay a lot of money to come to this school,” an anonymous M1 informed a Flipside staff reporter. “So, my point is, why am I paying more money to do more work? Yes, I benefit in that I have the opportunity to do research, but the school and hospital benefit as well.”

The lack of money is certainly unfortunate. Who knows what will upset the M1 class next? Perhaps FSM will take the “guinea pig” logo to heart and make us run in hamster wheels to power the school. That would be actual forced labor. On the bright side, that could be a better use of our time then sitting through two hours of HQPS. Someone should bring this up at the next review panel meeting.

Posted in Local, No. 7Comments (0)

Disgruntled AOSC Tells Area Group of Laughing Teens to “Get the heck off my lawn!”

Disgruntled AOSC Tells Area Group of Laughing Teens to “Get the heck off my lawn!”

CHICAGO — Claiming “I’d just mowed the darn thing!” and “these little punks have no business being out during school hours,” a visibly tempered AOSC screamed at an area group of giggling teenagers to “Scram! Vamoose! Get the heck outta here!”

In between bouts of fist shaking, AOSC informed Flipside reporters:  “You know fertilizer and gasoline aren’t free!  Who’s going to pay for the extra yard upkeep with these hooligans tromping all over the place? I don’t have the money for that this coming summer!”

AOSC was able to entertain Flipside reporters for a brief interview in his quaint, 1,000 square-foot, light blue ranch home.

“Let me just flip off Matlock real quick.  You need anything? I’ve got some great prune juice…or some orange Metamucil if you’re a bit blocked up.”

AOSC proceeded to inform Flipside reporters about how well his grandson Jeffery is doing at the university (“He’s going to be a business man, you know!”), how slippery the darn sidewalks can get in the wintertime, and about how he’s sure the cable repair worker stole his new Timex.

At press time, AOSC was making a trip to the local bank to deposit some 3,000 pennies into savings while muttering something under his breath regarding a “darn lack of work ethic these days!”

Posted in Local, No. 7Comments (0)

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

CHICAGO – As an MD/MPH student I wanted to personally extend my deepest sympathies to all you MD students and your AOSC  woes. From everything I’ve heard it’s been really hard on you guys. I mean, real talk, I typically zone out at the words “Area of…” But you guys have it real hard. And I just wanted to let you know on behalf of all the dual degree students we feel your pain. I mean, not literally, because we don’t have to sit through those lectures once a month on how to use the Internet or whatever it is you do. But, we do feel a little bad when we get to leave Hughes that extra hour early. Okay, not really. But we appreciate that it probably sucks to be you guys. Which counts for something, right?

And whatever’s going on with your summer funding? That sounds like it’s gotta suck. I mean us MPH students are getting a stipend for our summer work. And the PhD students are paying for all of med school with the years when they ought to be having their first-born child or something. So we don’t really know what it’s like to have to worry about paying for things during June and July. But we imagine that it must basically be the worst. All we can say is, hang in there guys. Our thoughts are with you and we really hope you pull through this in one piece.

How about a drink on us? By which we mean the federal government because we’re all paying for this $!@# with grants and loans anyways.

Posted in No. 7, OpinionComments (0)

AOSC Funding To Be Used to Buy More Turtlenecks for Pulmonologists

AOSC Funding To Be Used to Buy More Turtlenecks for Pulmonologists

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 7Comments (0)

AOSC Funding to Be Used to Improve eMerg…Yeah Right!

AOSC Funding to Be Used to Improve eMerg…Yeah Right!

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 7Comments (0)

Ellie’s Comic Corner – AOSC Funding

Ellie’s take on what will happen as a result of the lack of AOSC funding!

Posted in No. 7, OpinionComments (0)

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