Categorized | Local, No. 12

Local gunner lives life at 1.75x speed

Local gunner lives life at 1.75x speed

CHICAGO, IL—Feinberg medical student Camille Cross was so enamored with the speeding functions of Panopto that she converted her entire lifestyle to 1.75x speed, multiple sources confirmed Friday.

Her roommate, Paige Paisley, first alerted fellow students to Cross’s new lifestyle two weeks ago by posting a Snapchat story of Cross watching House and The Bachelorette on Netflix at 1.75x speed. “I didn’t think much of it,” Paisley confided, “but then I found out she manipulated the plumbing to almost double the shower’s flow rate.” Shortly after, Paisley also confirmed to Flipside that Cross has begun sleeping at a rate that could only be described as 1.75x speed. “It’s not like she’s not getting enough sleep,” Paisley explained, “but it’s more like she naps for 4.5 hours and gives out a snore every six seconds. Her respirations are way too fast to be normal.”

Cross’s CEC preceptor, Dr. Parth Radhakrishnan, confirms. “When Camille is in a room with the standardized patients, she insists on speaking extra quickly to them and finishing her conversations around 1.75 times faster than anyone else. I’m not sure how to give her feedback. It’s both impressive and highly disconcerting.”

None of the classmates Flipside contacted were quite sure what exactly inspired Cross’s new lifestyle. Some speculated it was her desire to have the reputation as “that” gunner. Others thought it was watching and rewatching Dr. Joel Charrow’s lectures at normal speed that broke her.

Paisley could not be reached for comment, as she was busy starting her second AOSC project with the extra time she made.

Updated 11:43 am CST: Cross has been admitted into Northwestern Memorial Hospital for tachycardia.

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