Categorized | No. 2, Opinion

Gunner’s Corner 2

Gunner’s Corner 2

Dear Gunner,
I feel like I’m never getting enough sleep. I can’t seem to shut my mind off when I hit the pillow, and I start quizzing myself in histo or anatomy. Any tips on getting a good night sleep?
– Tired Timmy

Dear Tired Timmy,
Sleep is very important… for the bottom 99%. But if you want to be the first plastics-derm-ophthalmologist (think of tightening droopy corneas with botox), you need to throw some Red Bull, coffee beans, and energy shots in a blender and WORK. Eye bags are a symbol of a winner.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
My roommate keeps getting higher scores and better evaluations than me. I can never beat him and it makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do?
-Jealous Jimmy

Dear Jealous Jimmy,
One word: sabotage. During Second Look, I made sure to find the smartest, most organized person there, and made sure they’d be my roommate. When school started, I started putting ex-lax in his cereal, ground-up Ambien in his lunch, and ipecac in his coffee. Problem solved.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
I think I might be an even bigger gunner than you. I set the curve on the last exam, I have 5 IRB’s pending, and I go on long rides with the deans on my tandem bicycle every weekend. So I think I should write this column instead.
– Gunning Gilbert

Dear Gunning Gilbert,
Let’s meet up and discuss this further. I’ll even bring you some fresh brewed coffee that you’re going to love.
-Gunner

***NOTE: If you would like to ask a question of The Feinberg Flipside’s resident Gunner, please email christopher.tapia@northwestern.edu. You can choose to submit anonymously if you’d like.

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One Response to “Gunner’s Corner 2”

  1. Kamil says:

    Hahaha, tandem bicycle with the deans. I want to see that.

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