Categorized | Local, No. 8, Year 1

FSM Scraps IT Department to Focus Funds on Re-Animating Steve Jobs

FSM Scraps IT Department to Focus Funds on Re-Animating Steve Jobs

Hughes Auditorium – In light of recent numerous issues, the Feinberg School of Medicine is scrapping its dysfunctional IT department completely and focusing all funds on a project to re-animate Steve Jobs.

“It’ll simply be easier to bring Mr. Jobs back to life than to fix the problems we have,” explained IT Coordinator Karen Brown. “Students rely on recorded lectures and we don’t want to delay a solution any longer.” She went on to explain to Flipside reporters that she fully expects the quirky technology genius to have some fantastic ideas. “Mr. Jobs may pursue tasks as innovative as actually recording lectures, allowing view speed to be altered by students, and offering one simple downloadable file.” These concepts, now deemed science fiction, aren’t expected to be a barrier for Mr. Jobs.

The project, colloquially deemed iGiveUp, is expected to begin immediately on April 31st.

Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Spam Protection by WP-SpamFree

Headlines

  • Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.
  • Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.
  • FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?
  • Lonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical RobotLonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical Robot
  • Suave Surgery Resident has Unlisted PagerSuave Surgery Resident has Unlisted Pager
  • See More

More Headlines

  • M4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment LectureM4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment Lecture
  • Feinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation SpeechFeinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation Speech
  • Fellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th TimeFellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th Time
  • Your Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CVYour Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CV
  • Residency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental MagnesiumResidency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental Magnesium
  • See More

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes