Categorized | Local, No. 4

Foundations Exam III Actually Just a Grizzly Bear

Foundations Exam III Actually Just a Grizzly Bear

CHICAGO – Feinberg first years were horrified to discover last Wednesday morning that their third and final Foundations exam was actually just a ravenously hungry Grizzly Bear released into the auditorium.

“We looked down, and saw it. Must’ve been 8 feet tall, if it was an inch. Claws out. Ready to chow down,” recalled Sam Waterdale. “The thing just grabbed someone in the front row and went to town.  There was so much blood.”

Students who spent countless hours memorizing bacteria genera and chemokine receptor acronyms were startled that the exam put forth was just a viscous Grizzly Bear, starved for weeks and baited with a pheromone for aggression.

Tiffany Samuels described the atmosphere to Flipside reporters well: “I was just glancing down at the closed test booklet, feverishly recalling what few worthless facts I could remember about Bordatella pertussis, and then it was there. Hungry. Ripping open my friend’s arm.”

Students are quite shaken up by the horrific experience and have taken this graphic and disturbing experience home with them for Thanksgiving.  Upon returning to campus, the M1s are understandably anxious to pick up their blood soaked, written exam objectives from AWOME.

“I mean, I want to know what topics I have to review again. But, I just don’t know if I can re-live that horrid experience. I still haven’t made my mind up about whether or not I’m going to AWOME to get the exam objectives,” a distraught Samuels stated.

Feinberg M1s hope to be faced with something slightly less destructive come Cardio unit.  “I don’t know. A wolf. A cougar.  Just not another Foundations III, please,” begged Waterdale.  “Hell, I’d even take a few dozen venomous snakes.  Just not this again.  We can’t handle it.”

Students informed The Flipside that they are ready to push forward with their education, and will be wearing black ribbons on their left shoulders for the remainder of the 2012-2013 academic year to commemorate those lost during Foundations Exam III.

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