Archive | No. 10

Da Vinci Surgical Robot Really Excited for IC2

Da Vinci Surgical Robot Really Excited for IC2

Da Vinci Surgical Robot, from Danbury CT, is looking forward to joining his peers on the afternoon of January 23 for a few hours of quiet reflection and ophthalmology training.

“I think it’s really great that we get to press pause once a month, come together, and reflect on all we’ve been learning, on how all this is changing us, on how the process of vocational discernment is affecting us positively or negatively,” says Da Vinci Surgical Robot between sips of Dunkin’ Donuts Dark Roast. “Even though medicine is ostensibly ‘about,’ you know, ‘other people,’ there’s a certain solipsism to the third year experience – focused as one is on how one’s praxis is affecting one’s self, projecting those affects forward onto a future that is entirely one’s own – and these afternoons do just enough to bring me out of all that, to remind me that there are a bunch of us who are in this together, and we’ll soon be joining a bunch of others who have been there before.”

Da Vinci Surgical Robot is especially looking forward to checking in on friends he hasn’t seen in a while. “It’s an exciting time. People are starting to decide how they’re going to be spending the next 40 years of their lives.” Da Vinci Surgical Robot credits the upcoming session’s PTTP blog post assignment for bringing this to the fore. “What are your values? What do you want from your professional life? What do you want from your home life? These are the questions.”

Da Vinci Surgical Robot shares an excerpt from his own post. “Priority 1: do surgeries.” When pressed about what other sorts of things Da Vinci Surgical Robot is looking for either professionally or personally, Da Vinci Surgical Robot becomes quiet, then the hum of internal processing amplifies in fits and starts until a tendril of smoke emanates from the lubricated jointspace of Da Vinci Surgical Robot’s anamatronic arm. Da Vinci Surgical Robot replies after a moment, a note of anguish imperceptible in the monotone, “I want to play bass in the Chuck E. Cheese’s band,” and projects a hologram of a space princess asking to be helped. A black monolith then appears and nothing is the same again.

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Posted in Local, No. 100 Comments

Resident Who Kept Stealing Granola Bars Sole Reason for NMH Cafeteria Closure

Resident Who Kept Stealing Granola Bars Sole Reason for NMH Cafeteria Closure

FEINBERG PAVILION – After a six month investigation, Flipside investigators have identified Ben Rubino, General Surgery PGY5, as the sole reason for the NMH cafeteria closure. Initially, Northwestern Medicine cited the cafeteria operating at a loss despite charging $12.92 for a sandwich, chips, and small soda. Investigators quickly recognized that the numbers did not add up and suspected theft. After reviewing hundreds of hours of video footage, The Flipside is confident in accusing Rubino, and no one or nothing else, in the cafeteria’s failure, as he regularly stole multiple granola bars.

A preliminary report yet to be released to the public looked at security footage inside the cafeteria for one month and found that Rubino stole exactly two granola bars every day for the entire month of July 2013. A still photo from the video evidence is shown above. Extrapolating that data over the seven years of his tenure at NMH (including research years), Dr. Rubino stole at least $20,000 worth of granola bars based on the completely reasonable price of $3.99 per bar. That kind of lost profit could easily induce bankruptcy, as everyone knows that the economic climate of urban hospital cafeterias is volatile.

Ben Rubino is currently wanted by NMH security and is considered at large, extremely dangerous, and armed with multiple scalpel blades.

The Northwestern Medicine business management can rest easy knowing that they are most definitely not to blame for the cafeteria’s demise. It absolutely had nothing to do with placing private restaurants with superior food immediately adjacent to it, the fact that the cafeteria food was pretty awful, or that a single slice of pizza was $6.25.

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Posted in Business, No. 100 Comments

Sacrifices of 3rd Year: Guys, My Cat Really Misses Me

Sacrifices of 3rd Year: Guys, My Cat Really Misses Me

As we were warned, third year has taken a toll on all our personal lives. No student at Feinberg can say they are unfamiliar with struggling to make time for friends and family. But I don’t think I truly understood how hard medical school would be on my loved ones until I started spending 10, 12, sometimes 14 hour days at the hospital six days a week. Guys, my cat really misses me.

Unlike all the other cats you see on the internet, Badger really is special. I can just see in her cold, unblinking cat eyes that I matter to her. She would be lost without me to put kibble in her food dish. And when I get home from the hospital, when she lifts her head up from where she’s napping on the corner of my bed and sort of squints at me and then goes back to napping, I know how distraught she’s been all day without me there.

Sometimes I wonder what she does all day without me. I mean who does she watch study quietly at my computer, who does she watch watch TV, who does she watch sleep when I’m not there? When I leave for work in the morning she barely acknowledges my presence – it’s like she’s too hurt to even interact with me when I’m home. When I try to scratch her behind the ear, she’ll either swat at me with her paw or even turn and bite me. She’s so distressed she’s turning to physical violence now. Although I guess she did that before third year started. But I can hear something new in her howls of protest – something like betrayal.

Some mornings I’ll wake up with her face looming over mine. She’ll reach out and bat my face with a paw. Four minutes before my 4:30 alarm goes off. And I just think, sure we all complain about how hard this year is being on us. But how often do we really consider how hard it is on our closest friends and family…and on our cats?

Follow Badger on Instagram @kellia_jane

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Posted in No. 10, World1 Comment

M3 Gets Below Benchmark Rating from ABP Employee on Checkout Etiquette

M3 Gets Below Benchmark Rating from ABP Employee on Checkout Etiquette

FEINBERG PAVILION – The New Curriculum has proven to be dynamic, especially when it comes to the evaluation process and portfolio system. After the start of Phase II, AWOME announced that in addition to residents and attendings evaluating students during their clerkships, students would have to seek out nurses for evaluations as well.

More recently, in response to student complaints that there have been too few evaluations to properly fill out this year’s portfolio review, AWOME has further expanded evaluations to various staff throughout NMH as of 2015.

Marisa Underwood, c/o 2016, found this out the hard way, as she unexpectedly received a below benchmark evaluation after buying lunch from ABP while on her Medicine clerkship.

“I must have missed that email,” Marisa pleaded to The Flipside. “The eval said that I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t go to the open register when it was available, instead I was standing around ‘in a daze.’ I lost big points for ‘Student as Communicator’ there. I must not have said ‘thank you,’ because my professionalism score was low as well.”

The class of 2016 has so far shown frustration with ‘Big Brother’ constantly looking over their shoulder. MS3 Sam Overwood has found his Phase II year to be difficult for that reason.

“It makes me really anxious! Having to impress my residents and attendings and the thought in the back of your head that you’re always being watched makes everything so much more difficult. With the addition of nursing evals now, I can’t go anywhere without feeling like I’m under a microscope!”

Evaluations are important in directing the areas of improvement for medical students, but excessive evaluation can actually inhibit the educational process in that the pressure to do well becomes overwhelming. In addition, the more that we’re observed, the more artificial the experience becomes. As in any study, the act of observation inherently changes the outcome, as well as the behavior of the group being studied (i.e. Hawthorne effect). Clerkships become more of a ‘game’ or ‘objective’ of impressing others, as opposed to being a genuine learning experience within the process of patient care.

Regardless, AWOME’s broadened evaluation initiative will continue. Per one AWOME spokesperson, students can expect evaluations from janitors, security guards, and candy stripers in the near future. Sources close to The Flipside believe AWOME is hoping to put GoPro cameras on every member of the class of 2017 when they start Phase II, which would give Feinberg students plenty of data to discuss for their summative portfolio reviews.

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Posted in Local, No. 100 Comments

FSM Student, Remembering he Came Here Because he “Just Wanted to Help People,” Becomes Crossing Guard

FSM Student, Remembering he Came Here Because he “Just Wanted to Help People,” Becomes Crossing Guard

CHICAGO – Former class of 2016 student Sam Bartholemew has moved on. “I remembered that I just wanted to help people,” says Mr. Bartholemew between green lights on the north-east corner of Ogden and Grand. “It’s why I got into medicine.” It is a windy afternoon, and the children are returning home from school.

“I ultimately just found a much more direct way to do what I love.” Now, Mr. Bartholemew helps people cross streets. “I’m a crossing guard. Helping people is basically all I do.”

Mr. Bartholemew had been an honors student during her third year of medical school. When asked what caused her to reconsider her vocation, she notes, “I loved medicine. Loved it. But you have to be true to yourself. I just wanted to help people. It’s what I had been saying from the beginning. Look at me now.”

The light, as ever, turns green. Mr. Bartholemew stands from his beach chair, whistle pursed between his lips, smoothes his reflective orange vest, gestures firmly to the stationary traffic with his hand-held stop sign, and escorts a high school junior across the street. He grins ear-to-ear.

He leaves behind, commemorating another life, a dozen-or-so publications concerning breast reconstruction on which he is a late-middle author.

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Posted in Local, No. 100 Comments

Resident Talking to You about “Steep Learning Curve” Again

Resident Talking to You about “Steep Learning Curve” Again

FEINBERG 10 EAST – After responding to a question from his neurology attending with “tPa is indicated here” despite the patient having had three hemorrhagic strokes in the last two months, comes in complaining of the worst headache of his life, and a BP of 214/128, Phase II student Larry Walker was pulled aside by his resident during the middle of rounds.

Although the first half of the conversation was missed, the subintern was able to recite the second half of the resident’s discussion to Flipside reporters.

“You know, I know you’re trying, and you’ve been a great help to the team. Medicine, and neurology especially, is really challenging. It’s a really steep learning curve; it’ll all get easier as you go along.”

Walker describes that this isn’t the first time he’s heard the term ‘steep learning curve.’

“I heard that all over the place during the SAM week before Phase II, at the beginning of Phase II, and just this week in fact. Honestly, I don’t get it. I can’t figure out what it means. What does the steepness of the slope have anything to do with it? Is that supposed to mean it gets easier later on because then the slope becomes negative? But the line has a curvature to it? When does it curve? I wonder if it’s similar to a ‘slippery slope.’ Now, I’ve spent my entire life avoiding slippery slopes. Which do you think is worse to be on, a ‘steep learning curve’ or a slippery slope? They both sound pretty bad to me.”

The Flipside reporter left the interviewee mid-rant and was regrettably unable to finish this story.

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Posted in Medicine, No. 100 Comments

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

Having forgotten the joys of “having a life”, many third year medical students at FSM returned from winter break with a desire to end their enrollment in the M.D. degree program. After receiving many requests for advice on how to “break the news gently” we have carefully prepared the following form letter to explain your decision to withdraw from medical school.

Dear Feinberg,

I, [your name here], wish to inform you that I will no longer be returning to classes or clinical duties as a student at your institution. I started giving this a lot of thought over winter break and I decided…I’m just not gonna do this medicine stuff anymore.

I really appreciate all the time you put into coming up with the new curriculum. And organizing everyone’s clinical clerkship experiences seems like a really big job. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But after not doing things over winter break…I think I just wanna not do things now. Or you know, things like watch all of Gossip Girl again, or listen to this cool new podcast called Serial. Or maybe read a book. I don’t know. I hope you get the gist.

So, yeah, I guess that’s all really. I just wanted to give you a heads up that you don’t need to bother deducting professionalism points. I’m not missing a few days of this clerkship. I’m just…not gonna go anymore…

With not that much regret really,

[your signature here]

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Posted in No. 10, Opinion0 Comments

Resident Unable to Offer Motivational Counseling, Too Busy Deciding Which Donut Shop to Go to

Resident Unable to Offer Motivational Counseling, Too Busy Deciding Which Donut Shop to Go to

GALTER PAVILION – Internal Medicine PGY2 Jason Lerman was fifteen minutes late to clinic yesterday afternoon after waiting in a long line at Stan’s Donuts. The future primary care physician was also late to noon conference, as he was caught contemplating which donut shop he should go to afterwards.

“The Subway sandwiches they provide at noon conference are never enough,” Dr. Lerman told Flipside reporters. “I was totally in for a donut before clinic, but that’s not an easy decision these days. DD’s a classic, Do-Rite’s got chicken, and Stan’s has Nutella. Glazed and Infused if I want some exercise. I probably spent a good twenty minutes trying to decide instead of writing notes after rounds.”

While Dr. Lerman was enjoying his donut and coffee, he missed out on a conversation with his fellow medical residents regarding how most of their patients that day were overweight.

“We had at least 5 jokes going about our patient’s BMI’s,” one resident wrote via email. “Jason really missed out on a good bonding experience, he usually loves that stuff.”

According to multiple sources, the chief complaint of Dr. Lerman’s first patient was his weight, and wanted to discuss options as to how to burn more calories.

“That’s what the nurse told me, but I just didn’t have time to go through all the motivational counseling with him,” Dr. Lerman added. “The donut really set me back, so I upped his statin and moved on to the next patient.”

Many of the Northwestern faculty have been concerned about the high concentration of empty calorie options in and around NMH and how this not only sends an obvious contradictory message, but how Northwestern seems fine profiting from it.

Dr. Lerman admitted, “Sure, it’s a bit hypocritical for us to advertise a healthy diet, but offer an unhealthy one, but it’s more for the staff I think. I have such a long day, it’s a good escape for me. I think it’s fine every so often, but I wouldn’t advise patients to eat at the new donut places.”

Northwestern Medicine officials were unavailable for comment.

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Posted in Business, No. 100 Comments

M3 on Surgery Eats Lunch at 9:30 am

M3 on Surgery Eats Lunch at 9:30 am

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 100 Comments

Vacant Lot Overrun by Rabbits, Elect New Rabbit Overlord, “Steve”

Vacant Lot Overrun by Rabbits, Elect New Rabbit Overlord, “Steve”

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 100 Comments

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