Archive | No. 5

Galter Water Fountain Named Devon Clinic Coordinator After Third Application Deadline Extension

Galter Water Fountain Named Devon Clinic Coordinator After Third Application Deadline Extension

CHICAGO – The current M2s serving as clinic coordinators at the Devon Clinic have announced their replacement for the coming year would be the shorter of the two water fountains outside the men’s restrooms on the second floor of Galter Library.

Many students in the M1 class were surprised by the choice. But a current Devon Clinic coordinator who wished to remain anonymous explained the logic behind the decision.

“We actually had a decent number of applicants from the M1 class,” the coordinator said. “But none of the M1s seemed like they’d be able to make the time commitment that being a coordinator requires. The water fountain really just seemed like our best choice.”

The coordinator added, “Seriously though, what are you guys doing in class from 8:00 to 5:30? One applicant said they couldn’t dedicate more than 30 minutes per month to being a coordinator because of their paper snowflake homework. I wasn’t sure how seriously to take that excuse.”

The water fountain was not available for comment.

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M1 Touches “Boobie” For First Time

M1 Touches “Boobie” For First Time

CHICAGO — Feinberg M1 Grayson Fletcher finally did it.  Yup, that’s right.

“I touched a boobi–I mean breast!  It was glorious,” revealed Fletcher.  Fletcher is of course referring to the M1’s initial experience with breast models used in the CEC as an introduction to performing a clinical breast exam.

“Now I know it’s in the context of CEC, but I called my mother and she told me that it ‘totally counts.’ She was really excited for me.  I hope next time they don’t have all those lumps in them”

Flipside reporters were able to delve into how an OK-looking, heterosexual male had gone the first 23 years of his life without seeing, feeling, or even brushing against a breast of the opposite sex.

“Well, ya know, during college I’d go out and use my World of Warcraft pickup lines, but for some reason they just never took.  I couldn’t explain it.  My mom couldn’t explain it.  It was just one of those things.  But in med school, things are just so much easier.  I’m glad to finally be a card-carrying member of the club.”

Fletcher is reportedly both “excited and nervous” for the OB/GYN module coming up in the near future.

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Posted in Local, Medicine, No. 51 Comment

Gunner Hopes World Doesn’t End Until <em>AFTER</em> First CV Exam

Gunner Hopes World Doesn’t End Until AFTER First CV Exam

PRE-APOCALYPTIC EARTH – As the 5125 year long Mesoamerican Long Count calendar comes to on end on December 21, 2012, many are preparing for a cataclysmic event. It has been suggested that the Mayans predicted the end of the world on this day because of the start of a spiritual or physical transformation. A physical transformation may include the arrival of the next solar maximum, a black hole in the center of the galaxy, or a collision with the planet “Nibiru.”

December 21st is also the day of the next Feinberg M1 exam. Go figure.

Some FSM students are taking the threat seriously. One student admitted to not searching for an AOSC advisor. Another student revealed that he hasn’t filled out an evaluation since the first block of PBL. Others are not concerned at all and happily go about their normal business, while a handful couldn’t care either way.

Alfred Stevenson, a well-known M1gunner, is largely indifferent when it comes to the Mayan prediction.

“End of the world? That’s the last thing on my mind right now. I finally finished the 200 pages of reading for Health and Society. Time now to memorize the 12 lead locations of an ECG and how to precisely calculate interval axes. […] To be honest, I don’t care if something bad happens, just as long as it doesn’t happen until 12:01pm CDT. Exams are my time to shine, don’t want to miss out on such a great opportunity to destroy yet another exam!”

It is curious that an exam has been scheduled on December 21st, the first organ system based exam no less. Perhaps that’s the catastrophe the Mayans predicted? If the difficulty of this first CV week is any indication, it could very well be what they had in mind. Or, it could initiate the start of a spiritual transformation. Like you realizing that medical school is actually really hard.

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M1s to Remediate Foundations Plenary IRATs

M1s to Remediate Foundations Plenary IRATs

CHICAGO – In a surprise move by the Office of Medical Education, over half of the M1 class will be expected to remediate the plenary IRAT quizzes from the recently completed Foundations unit.

Following the first Synthesis and Application Module last week, the Deans notified students by email that they would need to evaluate their understanding of the material covered in the IRATs. Some students will be asked to re-take quizzes from various plenary sessions during the 14-week Foundations unit.

“Some people simply didn’t answer all the IRAT questions,” said one Dean. “Maybe they were having clicker problems, we’re not sure. Other students were clearly answering ‘B’ for every question.”

The Office of Medical Education said the new decision is meant to reinforce the necessity of the IRATs.

The Feinberg Flipside conducted a poll by clicker to determine the number of students who will remediate the IRATs this week. However, the poll only received a total response rate of 137.

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FeinbergPulse:  Where has all the Summer Research Funding Gone?

FeinbergPulse: Where has all the Summer Research Funding Gone?

The Feinberg community weighs in on what makes them tick!

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Posted in No. 5, Opinion0 Comments

Only Feinberg Students Correctly Answer Step 1 Question About Cardiac Peanut Butter

Only Feinberg Students Correctly Answer Step 1 Question About Cardiac Peanut Butter

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 50 Comments

Given the Headline Above, Cardiology Officially the Least Funny Specialty

Given the Headline Above, Cardiology Officially the Least Funny Specialty

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M1 Not Totally Sure How Breast in Box Got Such Bad Cancer

M1 Not Totally Sure How Breast in Box Got Such Bad Cancer

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Hi, I’m Coconut Cake! What Are You Thinking About?

Hi, I’m Coconut Cake! What Are You Thinking About?

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Area Student to Memorize, Avoid Campus Bathrooms Only Offering Single Ply Toilet Paper

Area Student to Memorize, Avoid Campus Bathrooms Only Offering Single Ply Toilet Paper

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 50 Comments


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