Archive | No. 2

M1 Rethinks Life After Receiving Professionalism Form in Front of Entire Class

M1 Rethinks Life After Receiving Professionalism Form in Front of Entire Class

HUGHES AUDITORIUM – Students are still buzzing about the professionalism form that was given out publicly last Friday during plenary. The FSM curriculum leaders were undoubtedly trying to make an example of one idiot student who decided to satirize them and their new curriculum.

“What an awful idea, starting a satirical publication at a med school,” Albert Smith commented to Flipside reporters. “What did he expect after making fun of Feinberg?”

After the initial humiliation and weekend to think about it, Feinberg Flipside founder Fred Feinburg is considering a career change.

“Yeah, a satirical publication probably wasn’t the smartest thing in hindsight. With the deans now watching my every move and ready to handout professionalism forms, this whole medicine thing is probably coming to an end for me.”

Despite his recent troubles, Feinburg is optimistic about his credentials and future.

“Hey, I passed one exam and one block of PBL in med school, so at least I have that going for me.”

Feinburg was considering participating in Doctors Without Borders, until he realized you actually need an MD to do so.

“I’m considering starting my own practice. It’s called Doctors Without Diplomas. If there are patients out there who need their vital signs taken in a mediocre fashion or given advice about their diet or physical activity (the advice will consist mainly of telling them to walk to work), then we should do just fine.”

The legality of such a practice is something Feinburg has yet to figure out, although he did mention that he’s going to hire a law student, preferably one who also dropped out, to work on that.

“If Doctors Without Diplomas doesn’t work out,” added Feinburg, “I guess I could try pottery. I took a class on that once in college.”

***NOTE: First, no professionalism form was actually given. Second, I realize that the author of this article is interviewing himself. This is a strange thing to do, but I didn’t have a better way to do it and I need to go study now.

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Posted in Local, No. 21 Comment

Adorable Girl Sneeze Cutely Interrupts Lecture

Adorable Girl Sneeze Cutely Interrupts Lecture

HUGHES AUDITORIUM – Science & Medicine lecture was raucously interrupted on Wednesday by a noise so adorable, it cannot be adequately described in words. M1 student and eye witness Bob Hays recounts the event “We were in the middle of learning about competitive agonists, when all of a sudden this endearing racket shatters my attention and I suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” The class all simultaneously then uttered “Awww” and giggled before madly typing about the event into their powerpoint lecture slides.

While the “fuzziness” feeling was described by many who were interviewed, what was less clear was the actual description of the lovable sound, which has now been identified as having been a girl’s sneeze. M1 student Jennifer T. did her best to describe it: “It sounded like someone was tickling a puppy, or maybe a baby Sea Lion begging for a snack.” Will C. commented, “Remember the game Street Fighter? Think Chun Li and her fight noises.” Classmate Kevin T. then chimed in, “To me it sounded like Pikachu, if Pikachu were being repeatedly punched in the belly.” M1 Tiffany Moon commented, “What? We had class today?” Other descriptions included Teletubbies, Fran Drescher, and a Howler Monkey on fire.

The lecturer decided to just stop there, knowing that nothing he could say from then on could engage the class nearly as much as the lovable sneeze. What remains a mystery is who actually produced the sneeze in question. However upon extensive review of the video recordings of the lecture and through the use of state-of-the-art sound editing software, the culprit has finally been revealed: Reid Johnson.

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Posted in Local, No. 20 Comments

M1 Male Still Upset by Sex Ratio of 2016 Class

M1 Male Still Upset by Sex Ratio of 2016 Class

CHICAGO – Feinberg M1 Daryl Jameson informed Flipside reporters today that “Daryl still just can’t believe the sex ratio in our class. I mean 60/40?! That’s putting Daryl at a distinct disadvantage! Daryl needs all the chances that Daryl can get.”

Jameson fully expected to “pick up right where [he] left off at the Beta Gamma Theta house,” at his undergraduate institution.

Jameson described his typical day in class, hunting for the ladies:  “I look around the room and what do I see? Dudes.  Sweaty dudes.  Dudes who don’t shower before class.  Oh, wait?! Look at that chick! AH! Oh no, she’s already surrounded by 4 guys. Unbelievable.”

Jameson reported to The Flipside that this “totally bogus sex ratio” impedes his ability to meet ladies at class parties and bar gatherings.  “Daryl will walk into a party and see 15 guys before one chick.  I mean come on, man! How am I supposed to work under these conditions?”

While life is currently tough for the fresh-faced M1, Jameson’s hopes remain high for the potential of M2 transfer to help him out.  “It’s all Daryl really has to hope for.”  Jameson told Flipside reporters that he is planning to channel his disappointment into exercise.  “Gotta feed the pythons,” stated Jackson at the River East Club, doing bicep curls. Daryl’s going to have to do it all on his own.”

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Posted in No. 2, Opinion0 Comments

<em>Flipside</em> Sounds “Really Funny,” According to Girl Who Didn’t Actually Read 1st Issue

Flipside Sounds “Really Funny,” According to Girl Who Didn’t Actually Read 1st Issue

CHICAGO – First-year student Gretchen Hargrove told classmates this week the first edition of The Feinberg Flipside looked “really funny.” Hargrove admitted she had not had time to read the publication, but it sounded like a great idea. “I barely have time to do my readings for Text & Context,” Hargrove told Rob Cortney, who sat next to Hargrove in lecture Tuesday because he was late to class. “I mean, I basically took an oath to do those readings. How am I supposed to find time to read something for recreation?”

Members of Hargrove’s Health & Society small group reported she had still not read the publication by Thursday. According to one group member, this did not stop her from continuing to talk “at length” about it. “I heard that Chris wrote an advice section or something that was totally hilarious,” Hargrove said in reference to the weekly column Gunner’s Corner. Hargrove purportedly told group members she’ll “probably try to write something for The Flipside sometime soon” and that she is “like, the biggest fan of The Onion and The Daily Show and all that stuff.”

Hargrove was seen checking reddit during plenary on Friday. According to the latest reports however, she has still not actually read the email announcing the first edition of The Feinberg Flipside or visited The Flipside’s website.

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Posted in Local, No. 20 Comments

New York Marathon Longer than Chicago Marathon, Says New Yorker

New York Marathon Longer than Chicago Marathon, Says New Yorker

This article was published previously by Sam Block in The Northwestern Flipside in October of 2011.

CHICAGO – On Saturday, 20,000 athletes ran in the Chicago Marathon including 500 participants from New York. The event, according to city officials, was as successful as the combination of a hot dog, pickle, relish, onions, mustard, sweet peppers and a little celery salt. Nobody from New York agreed.

“Where the heck was Central Park?” asked 26-year-old Tony “The Tony” Margarita. “And why did they not give out cigarettes at the water station?”

Other New Yorkers complained about the modest times most Midwesterners ran. Several felt they received way too much elbow room, that it was uncomfortable to have people actually looking in their direction, and that the race was not as long as the New York Marathon.

Some people, including Milos Antic, a long time marathon runner, were happy the New Yorkers were there.

“Having so many New Yorkers in the race motivated me to run faster because I wanted to get as far away from them as possible,” said Antic in a phone interview.

Chicago Marathon officials promise that they will try to be more accommodating to New Yorkers for the 2013 Marathon by sending them down narrower streets, raising the entrance fee, and hiring actors wearing Red Sox hats to fall behind them at every stage of the race.

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Posted in No. 2, Sports0 Comments

Gunner’s Corner 2

Gunner’s Corner 2

Dear Gunner,
I feel like I’m never getting enough sleep. I can’t seem to shut my mind off when I hit the pillow, and I start quizzing myself in histo or anatomy. Any tips on getting a good night sleep?
– Tired Timmy

Dear Tired Timmy,
Sleep is very important… for the bottom 99%. But if you want to be the first plastics-derm-ophthalmologist (think of tightening droopy corneas with botox), you need to throw some Red Bull, coffee beans, and energy shots in a blender and WORK. Eye bags are a symbol of a winner.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
My roommate keeps getting higher scores and better evaluations than me. I can never beat him and it makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do?
-Jealous Jimmy

Dear Jealous Jimmy,
One word: sabotage. During Second Look, I made sure to find the smartest, most organized person there, and made sure they’d be my roommate. When school started, I started putting ex-lax in his cereal, ground-up Ambien in his lunch, and ipecac in his coffee. Problem solved.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
I think I might be an even bigger gunner than you. I set the curve on the last exam, I have 5 IRB’s pending, and I go on long rides with the deans on my tandem bicycle every weekend. So I think I should write this column instead.
– Gunning Gilbert

Dear Gunning Gilbert,
Let’s meet up and discuss this further. I’ll even bring you some fresh brewed coffee that you’re going to love.
-Gunner

***NOTE: If you would like to ask a question of The Feinberg Flipside’s resident Gunner, please email christopher.tapia@northwestern.edu. You can choose to submit anonymously if you’d like.

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Posted in No. 2, Opinion1 Comment

FeinbergPulse: How do you Like to Introduce Yourself to Standardized Patients?

FeinbergPulse: How do you Like to Introduce Yourself to Standardized Patients?

The results of this week’s poll!

Feinberg students weigh in on what makes them tick.

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Posted in No. 2, Opinion0 Comments

Group Accidentally Does CHA Presentation on Austin, Texas

Group Accidentally Does CHA Presentation on Austin, Texas

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 20 Comments

Confused M1 Thinks Competency Compass Actually Expanding

Confused M1 Thinks Competency Compass Actually Expanding

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 20 Comments

H&S Professor: YOLO Not a Healthy Lifestyle Choice

H&S Professor: YOLO Not a Healthy Lifestyle Choice

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Posted in HEADLINES, No. 20 Comments

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