Check out this week’s poll question!

Cheesy Cauliflower Appetizer

1. Steam 2 cups of cauliflower tumors for 6-7 min.
2. Drain and cover in a dry cheesy caseous necrosis. Allow to melt.
3. Place the cheesy cauliflower into a serving dish and cover with a liberal amount of nitrogen mustard.
4. Finish by sprinkling with a pinch of ground nutmeg liver.
5. Bon Appétit!

CHICAGO – Feinberg M1 Daryl Jameson informed Flipside reporters today that “Daryl still just can’t believe the sex ratio in our class. I mean 60/40?! That’s putting Daryl at a distinct disadvantage! Daryl needs all the chances that Daryl can get.”

Jameson fully expected to “pick up right where [he] left off at the Beta Gamma Theta house,” at his undergraduate institution.

Jameson described his typical day in class, hunting for the ladies:  “I look around the room and what do I see? Dudes.  Sweaty dudes.  Dudes who don’t shower before class.  Oh, wait?! Look at that chick! AH! Oh no, she’s already surrounded by 4 guys. Unbelievable.”

Jameson reported to The Flipside that this “totally bogus sex ratio” impedes his ability to meet ladies at class parties and bar gatherings.  “Daryl will walk into a party and see 15 guys before one chick.  I mean come on, man! How am I supposed to work under these conditions?”

While life is currently tough for the fresh-faced M1, Jameson’s hopes remain high for the potential of M2 transfer to help him out.  “It’s all Daryl really has to hope for.”  Jameson told Flipside reporters that he is planning to channel his disappointment into exercise.  “Gotta feed the pythons,” stated Jackson at the River East Club, doing bicep curls. Daryl’s going to have to do it all on his own.”

Dear Gunner,
I feel like I’m never getting enough sleep. I can’t seem to shut my mind off when I hit the pillow, and I start quizzing myself in histo or anatomy. Any tips on getting a good night sleep?
– Tired Timmy

Dear Tired Timmy,
Sleep is very important… for the bottom 99%. But if you want to be the first plastics-derm-ophthalmologist (think of tightening droopy corneas with botox), you need to throw some Red Bull, coffee beans, and energy shots in a blender and WORK. Eye bags are a symbol of a winner.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
My roommate keeps getting higher scores and better evaluations than me. I can never beat him and it makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do?
-Jealous Jimmy

Dear Jealous Jimmy,
One word: sabotage. During Second Look, I made sure to find the smartest, most organized person there, and made sure they’d be my roommate. When school started, I started putting ex-lax in his cereal, ground-up Ambien in his lunch, and ipecac in his coffee. Problem solved.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
I think I might be an even bigger gunner than you. I set the curve on the last exam, I have 5 IRB’s pending, and I go on long rides with the deans on my tandem bicycle every weekend. So I think I should write this column instead.
– Gunning Gilbert

Dear Gunning Gilbert,
Let’s meet up and discuss this further. I’ll even bring you some fresh brewed coffee that you’re going to love.
-Gunner

***NOTE: If you would like to ask a question of The Feinberg Flipside’s resident Gunner, please email christopher.tapia@northwestern.edu. You can choose to submit anonymously if you’d like.

The results of this week’s poll!

Feinberg students weigh in on what makes them tick.

The friendly advice column from everyone’s favorite member of their medical school class.

Dear Gunner,

I’ve been studying like crazy for the Step 1 exam, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t stuff anything else in my head. Anything I study now just doesn’t seem to “stick.” What can I do?

-Stuffed-up Susan

Dear Stuffed-up Susan,

You sound stressed. I cannot relate, but I have read about “Stress” in our psych text. I suggest taking a break from Step 1 studying, and instead study for your Step 2. It will be a nice change of pace.

-Gunner

Dear Gunner,

I’m having trouble balancing my personal life with my medical school commitments? I find myself neglecting my boyfriend, my friends back home, even my dog. How can I keep the important people (and pets) in my life happy while keeping up with my studies?

-Stressed-out Sara

Dear Stressed-out Sara,

What is this ‘personal’ life you speak of?

-Gunner

Dear Gunner,

I think my boyfriend back home may be cheating on me. What should I do?

-Suspecful Sally

Dear Suspectful Sally,

Study.

-Gunner