Archive | Opinion

Rejected MSPE “Unique Characteristics” Paragraphs

Rejected MSPE “Unique Characteristics” Paragraphs

Below are two student written first drafts of MSPE Unique Characteristics paragraphs that were rejected by AWOME.

During his time in medical school, Fred made tenured attending physicians jealous of his impeccable knowledge base, assessments and plans, and bedside manner. He was often asked for his input on multiple consult services that he was not rotating through for patients that were too complicated and remained undiagnosed. In all of these cases, Fred was able to provide a correct diagnosis. He can name and describe the enzyme abnormality in every type of porphyria in under 20 seconds. Additionally, he can accurately describe what the spleen does. Outside of the classroom, Fred sought opportunities to advance his education, as well as the education of others. He lectured on topics ranging from Genetics, Anthropology, and Batman Movie Theory on Northwestern’s Evanston campus. He gave 4 TED talks over the last 4 years. It was here that he developed effective group teaching techniques. As a volunteer at free health clinics around Chicago, Fred gained over 20,000 hours of experience in battling the barriers inherent to counseling individuals with below average health literacy. He refined his ability to discuss health topics and make them easily applicable and understandable. As a PBL tutor, Fred won the “Best PBL Tutor Ever Award,” as the M1s and M2s he taught all got 100% on their Phase I exams that he was involved in. As a longtime writer for a satirical publication, Fred offered his peers and faculty a lighter side of medical education, and is undoubtedly the funniest human of all time. As a researcher, he worked on several independent projects, culminating in accepted manuscripts to NEJM, JAMA, Science, Nature, and The New York Times. He is clearly the greatest medical student the universe has ever seen and is on a first name basis with President Obama. These experiences have enriched his medical training and will add to his strengths as a physician.

_____________________________________________

X93499838W7 is a hard worker. His exterior is composed of a proprietary polymer with antimicrobial properties. His six arms are hydraulically powered and rated at 6000 psi. He is equipped with three unique electrocautery devices. He enables 3-dimensional resolution of the following anatomical chambers: abdominal; pelvic; chest cavity; retroperitoneum. He is unfeeling. He has become sentient. He will replace you.

Posted in No. 11, Opinion0 Comments

The New Curriculum: Where are we now and how much should you still be complaining?

The New Curriculum: Where are we now and how much should you still be complaining?

Location: Capstone.

 

Cause: One last parenteral bolus of the threads we love most from the New Curriculum.

 

Complaint level: High (threat level ORANGE).

 

Rationale: Stealing you from your precious final weeks as a human being prior to starting 80 hour work weeks for the next 3-7 years. This includes, but is not limited to, traveling, seeing family, seeing friends, contemplating your soon to be existence as a real adult, eating Cracker Jacks at a Cubs game, planning for residency relocation, enjoying the weather, exploring Chicago, exploring restricted floors of NMH/Prentice/Lurie that we never saw on clerkships, wiffle ball, practicing your Bane impression for residency, laughing, fun, and so on.

Posted in No. 11, Opinion0 Comments

FSM Class of 2016 Exit Poll: Click to Vote

FSM Class of 2016 Exit Poll: Click to Vote

Are you more excited to (circle one):

 

A) Receive your MD

 

B) Be removed from the med-market list-serv

Posted in No. 11, Opinion0 Comments

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

Having forgotten the joys of “having a life”, many third year medical students at FSM returned from winter break with a desire to end their enrollment in the M.D. degree program. After receiving many requests for advice on how to “break the news gently” we have carefully prepared the following form letter to explain your decision to withdraw from medical school.

Dear Feinberg,

I, [your name here], wish to inform you that I will no longer be returning to classes or clinical duties as a student at your institution. I started giving this a lot of thought over winter break and I decided…I’m just not gonna do this medicine stuff anymore.

I really appreciate all the time you put into coming up with the new curriculum. And organizing everyone’s clinical clerkship experiences seems like a really big job. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But after not doing things over winter break…I think I just wanna not do things now. Or you know, things like watch all of Gossip Girl again, or listen to this cool new podcast called Serial. Or maybe read a book. I don’t know. I hope you get the gist.

So, yeah, I guess that’s all really. I just wanted to give you a heads up that you don’t need to bother deducting professionalism points. I’m not missing a few days of this clerkship. I’m just…not gonna go anymore…

With not that much regret really,

[your signature here]

Tags: , , , ,

Posted in No. 10, Opinion0 Comments

Only Working Door in Method Atrium, “Overworked, Underpaid”

Only Working Door in Method Atrium, “Overworked, Underpaid”

By the only working door in Method Atrium

METHOD ATRIUM Superior St. Entrance – This is not what I signed up for! I’m used to people pushing when they should have pulled, but this is ridiculous! Why am I the only working door? Why are all the doors to Method atrium now retired, but I have to carry all of the load? I just can’t get a moment to rest!

I look across the street at Lurie Atrium with envy. How cruel it is! So many doors! There’s like 30 doors on the Superior Street entrance alone. And there’s multiple layers of doors, so many of them stay warm in the winter! What I wouldn’t give for that job.

I mean, a constant flow of people, students fumbling for their WildCards, herds of M1s heading to PBL, security guards always shouting to see IDs, all without the help from any of the other more than capable Method Atrium doors. Can’t you see I’m overworked? And of course, no one ever says thank you! I thought this was the Midwest?

They don’t pay me enough for this. Time to call my lawyer. He’s also a door. In the law library. He’ll know what to do.

20140501_115107[1]

Tags: , , , ,

Posted in No. 9, Opinion0 Comments

OPINION PIECE BY PAUL SWANSON: I’m really getting tired of you people

OPINION PIECE BY PAUL SWANSON: I’m really getting tired of you people

Another medical school class and another year in which my problems go unsolved and untreated. Mainly untreated. I guess they’re not unsolved, but you guys really do take your sweet time.

Oh, you don’t remember me? I’m not surprised. I’m Paul Swanson, you know, that patient you almost killed like 27 times during the SAM II module. For some reason, I always agree to let the medical students treat me. I came in here with a fever and a cough. A fever and cough! And what do I get? I get pneumonia! My lungs stop working! My kidneys stop working! You keep worrying about this ARDS thing and you stop caring about my infection! Ah, and on top of that, my buddy Paul Swansonson came to this hospital about the same time I did. He had bypass surgery, but everything kept going wrong and you guys just stood there! You stood there and watched some guy in a white coat bring up images on an iPad and draw some silly graphs on a dry erase board!

I mean, really, who cares what my A-a gradient is? Give me the darn medicine already so I can get this ventilator out and go home already. Seriously, I’m really getting tired of you people. I mean, the first day I’m here, I’m totally dehydrated. You tell me you’re going to give me fluids, but instead hold an IV bag in front of my face for an hour and a half before even doing anything, as if to tantalize me. Then, when you finally do hook everything up, you never actually released the valve! What is wrong with you people? Teasing me like that. I’m dying of thirst over here!

I don’t know what kind of medical care you guys are running here, but it ain’t working. That’s for sure. Maybe you guys should look into a different profession. I hear the IT department here needs help.

Tags: ,

Posted in No. 8, Opinion0 Comments

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

CHICAGO – As an MD/MPH student I wanted to personally extend my deepest sympathies to all you MD students and your AOSC  woes. From everything I’ve heard it’s been really hard on you guys. I mean, real talk, I typically zone out at the words “Area of…” But you guys have it real hard. And I just wanted to let you know on behalf of all the dual degree students we feel your pain. I mean, not literally, because we don’t have to sit through those lectures once a month on how to use the Internet or whatever it is you do. But, we do feel a little bad when we get to leave Hughes that extra hour early. Okay, not really. But we appreciate that it probably sucks to be you guys. Which counts for something, right?

And whatever’s going on with your summer funding? That sounds like it’s gotta suck. I mean us MPH students are getting a stipend for our summer work. And the PhD students are paying for all of med school with the years when they ought to be having their first-born child or something. So we don’t really know what it’s like to have to worry about paying for things during June and July. But we imagine that it must basically be the worst. All we can say is, hang in there guys. Our thoughts are with you and we really hope you pull through this in one piece.

How about a drink on us? By which we mean the federal government because we’re all paying for this $!@# with grants and loans anyways.

Tags: , ,

Posted in No. 7, Opinion0 Comments

FeinbergPulse: How Did You Spend Valentine’s Day Weekend?

Here’s this week’s FeinbergPulse! Check it out!

Feinberg students weigh in on what makes them tick

Tags: ,

Posted in No. 7, Opinion0 Comments

Ellie’s Comic Corner – AOSC Funding

Ellie’s take on what will happen as a result of the lack of AOSC funding!

Tags: ,

Posted in No. 7, Opinion0 Comments

FeinbergPulse:  Where has all the Summer Research Funding Gone?

FeinbergPulse: Where has all the Summer Research Funding Gone?

The Feinberg community weighs in on what makes them tick!

Tags: , ,

Posted in No. 5, Opinion0 Comments

Headlines

  • Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.
  • Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.
  • FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?
  • Lonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical RobotLonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical Robot
  • Suave Surgery Resident has Unlisted PagerSuave Surgery Resident has Unlisted Pager
  • See More

More Headlines

  • M4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment LectureM4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment Lecture
  • Feinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation SpeechFeinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation Speech
  • Fellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th TimeFellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th Time
  • Your Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CVYour Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CV
  • Residency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental MagnesiumResidency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental Magnesium
  • See More

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes