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M4 Pyromaniac Really Disappointed by “Match” Day

M4 Pyromaniac Really Disappointed by “Match” Day

GINO’S EAST – Area pyromaniac and Feinberg School of Medicine M4 Alex “Arson” Harrington was heated on his way home from Match Day 2016. In fact, the soon-to-be MD was asked to leave the event.

“He seemed pretty steamed,” several onlookers’ informed Flipside staff. “He was in a hurry to get out of there, but I’m pretty sure he darted down Fairbanks while lighting his envelope and Match information on fire. I thought for sure he was unhappy with the results [of his NRMP Match].”

Despite matching at Stanford in Internal Medicine, it seems something else was bothering Harrington, which he openly discussed to The Flipside via email.

“This was not my finest hour, not in the least. I had been excited for this day for months and it didn’t turn out the way I would have hoped.”

Harrington describes a lifelong battle with pyromania, describing himself as a “friend of fire.” He was hoping to come out to his classmates when he received an email invitation advertising a “match party.” He admits to bringing several boxes of matches, lighters, and lighter fluid to the Match Day celebration.

“I bought the good matches, several boxes of them,” Harrington added. “UCO high quality survival windproof and waterproof matches, the best money can buy. I spent the last of my loans on them.”

Harrington is unsure what he’ll burn with his new matches, though he says he’s given serious thought to burning his old course packets from Phase I, which would be satisfying for more reasons than one.

The Department of Medicine at Stanford did not immediately return correspondence.

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