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National Residency Match Program® Helps M4 Find True Love

WARD BUILDING—This Valentine’s Day, M4 student Aaron Wu is determined to find love. A specialty he loves, that is.

Although he has been interviewing at a diverse range of residency programs, Wu still has not settled on one he will spend the rest of his life with. He has enlisted the help of The National Resident Matching Program®, a professional matchmaking service.

“I just can’t seem to find The One,” Wu confided to the Flipside at a cozy coffee shop on Diversey, decorated with hearts and flowers for the upcoming holiday. “Everyone talks about it. They say you’ll know when you know. That it’ll be the greatest moment of your life. That you will finally feel… complete. That your whole world shifts to revolve around it. I want that for myself, so much. I just… yeah. I began to ask myself if there was a Bumble for specialties…. And there’s something even better. Matchmaking.”

Wu has interviewed for seven different specialties, including OB/GYN, medicine, surgery, psychiatry, family medicine and pediatrics. He says he is “dating around” but can’t seem to find one that shares his life outlook and values.

When asked, Dean Sandra Sanguino said, “Aaron just has such passion and love to give, which is truly difficult to find nowadays. It is clear that he has not thought about anything but medicine his whole life. Ever. He lives and showers in the basement of Ward, using the steam tunnels to iron his clothes. He created an altar to Hippocrates and Cupid with sacrificial lab rats. Actually, I did note that on his recommendation letters.”

Wu reported in his applications that he enjoys working with young children, romantic firelit dinners and long walks on the wards.

“Match Day is March 16th,” gushed the starry-eyed Wu. “I just can’t wait. I feel like The National Resident Matching Program® will solve all my problems for me. It will find me my soulmate.”

The National Resident Matching Program® could not be reached for comment on its matchmaking abilities.

Will true love ever find Aaron? Only time, and the match letter, will tell.

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Posted in Articles, Entertainment, No. 120 Comments

Weird Kid Won’t Stop Doing “Bane” Impression

Weird Kid Won’t Stop Doing “Bane” Impression

CHICAGO – This year’s In Vivo show was well received, getting many laughs and accolades from both students and faculty. The show’s main thematic was impressive, as were the various video skits and parodies. One skit, which featured a brief Feinberg spinoff on The Dark Knight Rises, included an M1 (as the Batman villain Bane) being interrogated by an M2 who wanted to know why he was always in class. The skit mimicked the lines of the movie’s opening scene.

“Or perhaps he’s wondering why someone would schedule a plenary,” M1 Bane says to the M2, “before we’ve even learned anything.”

The writer, actor, and voice of Bane in that skit, Nick Zessis, has received many compliments and has shown himself to be very proud, perhaps too proud.

“I think this whole Bane thing has gone to his head,” an M1 anonymously told The Flipside via email. “Yeah, it’s a pretty good impression, but enough is enough. All he does is talk in that voice now. We were in anatomy lab the other day, he looked at me and yelled, ‘Your precious anatomy lab. Gratefully accepted. We will need it.’ What does that even mean?”

Charlie Hutchins, who often sits next to Zessis during lecture, has frantically asked him to quit it.

“Every day after lecture, he turns to everyone and says, ‘Time to go mobile.’ Yes, Nick, we get it, you’re about to walk home from class. Again. Stop it already.”

The impression is also used in front of faculty, even during PBL presentations.

“Bane, I mean Nick, had a learning issue about heart transplantation,” Dr. Bob Bobertson informed Flipside staff. “I couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying. I wish he would have included subtitles in his powerpoint.”

When asked to comment, Zessis could only reply, “Now is not the time for fear, doctor. That comes during the OSCE.”

Of course, there are always some dissenters. Shelia Dunkinhop didn’t think Zessis was that great in the skit.

“His Bane was mediocre at best. Dr. Cochard’s Dr. Cochard impression was better.”

***Yes, again, I realize I’ve written an article about myself. If you don’t like it, well, maybe you should write something. Seriously, if you have an idea or want to write an article, I’d love to hear from you. Why do you think it’s been like two months since The Flipside’s published an issue?***

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Posted in Entertainment, No. 60 Comments

Comic Corner

Check out this week’s comics!

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Posted in Entertainment, No. 30 Comments


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