Author Archives | KJ Hansmann

Sacrifices of 3rd Year: Guys, My Cat Really Misses Me

Sacrifices of 3rd Year: Guys, My Cat Really Misses Me

As we were warned, third year has taken a toll on all our personal lives. No student at Feinberg can say they are unfamiliar with struggling to make time for friends and family. But I don’t think I truly understood how hard medical school would be on my loved ones until I started spending 10, 12, sometimes 14 hour days at the hospital six days a week. Guys, my cat really misses me.

Unlike all the other cats you see on the internet, Badger really is special. I can just see in her cold, unblinking cat eyes that I matter to her. She would be lost without me to put kibble in her food dish. And when I get home from the hospital, when she lifts her head up from where she’s napping on the corner of my bed and sort of squints at me and then goes back to napping, I know how distraught she’s been all day without me there.

Sometimes I wonder what she does all day without me. I mean who does she watch study quietly at my computer, who does she watch watch TV, who does she watch sleep when I’m not there? When I leave for work in the morning she barely acknowledges my presence – it’s like she’s too hurt to even interact with me when I’m home. When I try to scratch her behind the ear, she’ll either swat at me with her paw or even turn and bite me. She’s so distressed she’s turning to physical violence now. Although I guess she did that before third year started. But I can hear something new in her howls of protest – something like betrayal.

Some mornings I’ll wake up with her face looming over mine. She’ll reach out and bat my face with a paw. Four minutes before my 4:30 alarm goes off. And I just think, sure we all complain about how hard this year is being on us. But how often do we really consider how hard it is on our closest friends and family…and on our cats?

Follow Badger on Instagram @kellia_jane

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Posted in No. 10, World0 Comments

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

A Template for Students Reconsidering Their Career in Medicine

Having forgotten the joys of “having a life”, many third year medical students at FSM returned from winter break with a desire to end their enrollment in the M.D. degree program. After receiving many requests for advice on how to “break the news gently” we have carefully prepared the following form letter to explain your decision to withdraw from medical school.

Dear Feinberg,

I, [your name here], wish to inform you that I will no longer be returning to classes or clinical duties as a student at your institution. I started giving this a lot of thought over winter break and I decided…I’m just not gonna do this medicine stuff anymore.

I really appreciate all the time you put into coming up with the new curriculum. And organizing everyone’s clinical clerkship experiences seems like a really big job. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But after not doing things over winter break…I think I just wanna not do things now. Or you know, things like watch all of Gossip Girl again, or listen to this cool new podcast called Serial. Or maybe read a book. I don’t know. I hope you get the gist.

So, yeah, I guess that’s all really. I just wanted to give you a heads up that you don’t need to bother deducting professionalism points. I’m not missing a few days of this clerkship. I’m just…not gonna go anymore…

With not that much regret really,

[your signature here]

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Posted in No. 10, Opinion0 Comments

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

M1s Disappointed by Lack of AOSC Funding Discussion in State of the Union

CHICAGO – First year students were dismayed last Tuesday night when President Barack Obama failed to propose a solution to the lack of summer funding for the M1s’ mandatory Area of Scholarly Concentration project. While Obama discussed many issues in his speech – from healthcare reform to gun control – he did not address the one budget gap that is concerning students at Feinberg School of Medicine most.

“I took time off from studying to watch the speech,” said Eileen Richardson, a concerned M1. “Now I don’t know what BOOP is and there’s still no answer to how I’m supposed to pay rent in June and July.”

Students were hopeful the Obama administration would be able to find an answer to the question that has plagued the M1s since Arrival Week: how will the mandatory research for the coming summer be funded?

“Haven’t we talked about climate change enough?” Caleb Hui, another distraught first year student, asked. “I was really hoping Obama could shift gears, roll up his sleeves and solve a real problem.”

“See if I vote for him next time,” Hui added.

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Posted in No. 7, Politics0 Comments

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

The Dual Degree Student Perspective on AOSC: Sorry Guys, That Must Really Suck

CHICAGO – As an MD/MPH student I wanted to personally extend my deepest sympathies to all you MD students and your AOSC  woes. From everything I’ve heard it’s been really hard on you guys. I mean, real talk, I typically zone out at the words “Area of…” But you guys have it real hard. And I just wanted to let you know on behalf of all the dual degree students we feel your pain. I mean, not literally, because we don’t have to sit through those lectures once a month on how to use the Internet or whatever it is you do. But, we do feel a little bad when we get to leave Hughes that extra hour early. Okay, not really. But we appreciate that it probably sucks to be you guys. Which counts for something, right?

And whatever’s going on with your summer funding? That sounds like it’s gotta suck. I mean us MPH students are getting a stipend for our summer work. And the PhD students are paying for all of med school with the years when they ought to be having their first-born child or something. So we don’t really know what it’s like to have to worry about paying for things during June and July. But we imagine that it must basically be the worst. All we can say is, hang in there guys. Our thoughts are with you and we really hope you pull through this in one piece.

How about a drink on us? By which we mean the federal government because we’re all paying for this $!@# with grants and loans anyways.

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Posted in No. 7, Opinion0 Comments

eMerg “Too Convenient,” More Dropdown Menus Added Over Winter Break

eMerg “Too Convenient,” More Dropdown Menus Added Over Winter Break

CHICAGO – Feinberg students returning from winter break will find an updated interface for accessing course documents as the Office of Medical Education continues to improve eMerg. Administrators raised concerns before the winter vacation that the online resource gateway had been too easy to use during the first four months of the new curriculum rolled out in August.

“Medicine is a difficult profession,” said one dean. “We want graduates of the Feinberg School of Medicine to be able to locate and access the resources they need even in the face of utmost adversity.”

After noting that first year medical students had become too complacent, the Office of Medical Education set forth to make learning guides, lecture slides and readings more challenging to find through the online resource gateway. “For starters students will have to work their way through a lot more dropdown menus to get to content now,” explained a computer programmer hired for the redesign. “Students will start by choosing an academic term, then selecting an option from a list of competency standards and then classroom location…it goes on from there, but I have a trouble remembering the exact navigation.”

More changes are planned for eMerg as the new year continues including scheduled service outages and uploading revised learning guides shortly after lectures begin. In an official statement released by the Office of Medical Education, the expedited implementation of the dropdown menu system was highlighted as an important facet of the new Feinberg curriculum. “At Feinberg we value the education of our students too highly to pass up such a high-yield opportunity to expose students to the struggles of the medical profession.”

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Posted in Local, No. 60 Comments

Galter Water Fountain Named Devon Clinic Coordinator After Third Application Deadline Extension

Galter Water Fountain Named Devon Clinic Coordinator After Third Application Deadline Extension

CHICAGO – The current M2s serving as clinic coordinators at the Devon Clinic have announced their replacement for the coming year would be the shorter of the two water fountains outside the men’s restrooms on the second floor of Galter Library.

Many students in the M1 class were surprised by the choice. But a current Devon Clinic coordinator who wished to remain anonymous explained the logic behind the decision.

“We actually had a decent number of applicants from the M1 class,” the coordinator said. “But none of the M1s seemed like they’d be able to make the time commitment that being a coordinator requires. The water fountain really just seemed like our best choice.”

The coordinator added, “Seriously though, what are you guys doing in class from 8:00 to 5:30? One applicant said they couldn’t dedicate more than 30 minutes per month to being a coordinator because of their paper snowflake homework. I wasn’t sure how seriously to take that excuse.”

The water fountain was not available for comment.

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Posted in Local, No. 50 Comments

M1s to Remediate Foundations Plenary IRATs

M1s to Remediate Foundations Plenary IRATs

CHICAGO – In a surprise move by the Office of Medical Education, over half of the M1 class will be expected to remediate the plenary IRAT quizzes from the recently completed Foundations unit.

Following the first Synthesis and Application Module last week, the Deans notified students by email that they would need to evaluate their understanding of the material covered in the IRATs. Some students will be asked to re-take quizzes from various plenary sessions during the 14-week Foundations unit.

“Some people simply didn’t answer all the IRAT questions,” said one Dean. “Maybe they were having clicker problems, we’re not sure. Other students were clearly answering ‘B’ for every question.”

The Office of Medical Education said the new decision is meant to reinforce the necessity of the IRATs.

The Feinberg Flipside conducted a poll by clicker to determine the number of students who will remediate the IRATs this week. However, the poll only received a total response rate of 137.

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Posted in Local, No. 50 Comments

Student Satisfied After Having Been Foundations-ed to Completion

Student Satisfied After Having Been Foundations-ed to Completion

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 40 Comments

Feinberg Students Still Recovering From “Flash Plenary”

Feinberg Students Still Recovering From “Flash Plenary”

HUGHES AUDITORIUM – Many Feinberg first-year students were still recuperating over the Thanksgiving vacation after the events of a recent “Flash Plenary.” Course directors shocked students with an impromptu plenary during classes the week before the last Foundations exam.

Students who were expecting a second lecture on Anti-Infectives the Friday before the exam were taken aback when the lecturer left Hughes Auditorium. Their shock deepened as Dr. Garcia stood up, microphone in hand, in the middle of the auditorium and announced that an additional plenary would take the place of that day’s final lecture.

Course directors had been scattered throughout Hughes, some pretending to sit in on the previous lectures, others checking Facebook on their laptops to blend in with the crowd.

“I remember wondering why Dr. Garcia was sitting at the front of the lecture hall,” said a traumatized M1. “The next thing I knew I was looking at a PowerPoint slide of the Competency Compass and she had taken the podium.”

A representative from the FSM 3.0 curriculum committee explained this teaching modality will be used to reinforce learning during Phase 1 of the new curriculum. “We really believe shock and surprise will help students internalize the information that is being presented in all threads of the curriculum,” said one Dean. “And I don’t want to give away too much, but it’s possible the ‘Flash Plenary’ technique could make a reprise in later years as well.”

Students will be asked to carry their clickers with them during their clinical rotations in Phases 2 and 3.

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Posted in Local, No. 40 Comments

Student, Like, Really Concerned About These Herpes Statistics

Student, Like, Really Concerned About These Herpes Statistics

HUGHES AUDITORIUM – M1 student Grant Laske was shocked last week during a Science in Medicine lecture on herpesviruses. “It was early in the morning, so I wasn’t paying 100% attention yet,” said Laske, “but, I’m pretty sure I heard the lecturer say something like 90% of people are infected with herpes.”

“That number is just, like, unacceptable,” Laske added.

Since the lecture, Laske has been trying to get to the bottom of this shocking statistic. He reports he spent most of the PBL session immediately following the lecture looking up the rates of herpesvirus infection on his phone. But Laske says he has been having difficulty interpreting the information he is finding.

“I just wish I’d been paying more attention in MDM, you know?” said Laske. “I can’t remember whether the lecturer was telling us prevalence of the disease or incidence. And frankly I don’t know the difference between those two things anyways.”

Laske’s friend Karen Wentley says she saw Laske in Galter Library this weekend reading Clinical Epidemiology by Fletcher and Fletcher and muttering to himself about alpha levels.

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Posted in Local, No. 40 Comments

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