Author Archives | Chris Tapia

Student Drinks Grapefruit Juice, Immediately Gets Pregnant

Student Drinks Grapefruit Juice, Immediately Gets Pregnant

Tags: , ,

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 30 Comments

Adorable Girl Sneeze Cutely Interrupts Lecture

Adorable Girl Sneeze Cutely Interrupts Lecture

HUGHES AUDITORIUM – Science & Medicine lecture was raucously interrupted on Wednesday by a noise so adorable, it cannot be adequately described in words. M1 student and eye witness Bob Hays recounts the event “We were in the middle of learning about competitive agonists, when all of a sudden this endearing racket shatters my attention and I suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” The class all simultaneously then uttered “Awww” and giggled before madly typing about the event into their powerpoint lecture slides.

While the “fuzziness” feeling was described by many who were interviewed, what was less clear was the actual description of the lovable sound, which has now been identified as having been a girl’s sneeze. M1 student Jennifer T. did her best to describe it: “It sounded like someone was tickling a puppy, or maybe a baby Sea Lion begging for a snack.” Will C. commented, “Remember the game Street Fighter? Think Chun Li and her fight noises.” Classmate Kevin T. then chimed in, “To me it sounded like Pikachu, if Pikachu were being repeatedly punched in the belly.” M1 Tiffany Moon commented, “What? We had class today?” Other descriptions included Teletubbies, Fran Drescher, and a Howler Monkey on fire.

The lecturer decided to just stop there, knowing that nothing he could say from then on could engage the class nearly as much as the lovable sneeze. What remains a mystery is who actually produced the sneeze in question. However upon extensive review of the video recordings of the lecture and through the use of state-of-the-art sound editing software, the culprit has finally been revealed: Reid Johnson.

Tags: ,

Posted in Local, No. 20 Comments

Gunner’s Corner 2

Gunner’s Corner 2

Dear Gunner,
I feel like I’m never getting enough sleep. I can’t seem to shut my mind off when I hit the pillow, and I start quizzing myself in histo or anatomy. Any tips on getting a good night sleep?
– Tired Timmy

Dear Tired Timmy,
Sleep is very important… for the bottom 99%. But if you want to be the first plastics-derm-ophthalmologist (think of tightening droopy corneas with botox), you need to throw some Red Bull, coffee beans, and energy shots in a blender and WORK. Eye bags are a symbol of a winner.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
My roommate keeps getting higher scores and better evaluations than me. I can never beat him and it makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do?
-Jealous Jimmy

Dear Jealous Jimmy,
One word: sabotage. During Second Look, I made sure to find the smartest, most organized person there, and made sure they’d be my roommate. When school started, I started putting ex-lax in his cereal, ground-up Ambien in his lunch, and ipecac in his coffee. Problem solved.
-Gunner

Dear Gunner,
I think I might be an even bigger gunner than you. I set the curve on the last exam, I have 5 IRB’s pending, and I go on long rides with the deans on my tandem bicycle every weekend. So I think I should write this column instead.
– Gunning Gilbert

Dear Gunning Gilbert,
Let’s meet up and discuss this further. I’ll even bring you some fresh brewed coffee that you’re going to love.
-Gunner

***NOTE: If you would like to ask a question of The Feinberg Flipside’s resident Gunner, please email christopher.tapia@northwestern.edu. You can choose to submit anonymously if you’d like.

Tags:

Posted in No. 2, Opinion1 Comment

Group Accidentally Does CHA Presentation on Austin, Texas

Group Accidentally Does CHA Presentation on Austin, Texas

Tags: , , ,

Posted in HEADLINES, No. 20 Comments

FSM Unveils New Great Grand Stellated 120-Cell Competency Compass

FSM Unveils New Great Grand Stellated 120-Cell Competency Compass

CHICAGO – The Committee of Curriculum Renewal revealed new details yesterday about an upcoming change in Feinberg’s ever-evolving curriculum. In a recent press release, the Committee detailed their plans to change the Northwestern Competency Compass: “upon further reflection, we realized that we expect more from our graduates than a simple 8-point compass could ever represent, so we have jointly decided to launch an updated version that fully encompasses (pun intended) all the ideals we expect of our student body.” The Feinberg website has now been updated to reflect the changes, revealing for the first time the new 32-point Competency Compass (pictured below)

In a recent interview with certain committee members, one Dean explained the committee’s thought process behind the new compass. “We were beginning to feel limited by our 8 competencies, each one already has 3-8 subheadings. So we wanted to make things simpler for the class and produce a streamlined, easy-to-remember visualization of our many expectations.”

The administration isn’t ready to stop at 32. The Committee disclosed plans on the next update: “Well we know we are going to have trouble inserting new expectations into the new compass, so we’re exploring options to create a 3-dimensional polygonal compass with enough corners to fit future additions, something akin to a ‘star polychoron’, perhaps a ‘great grand stellated 120-cell’ (pictured top right), we just want to make sure we make things as easy as possible for students to digest.”

Tags: ,

Posted in Local, No. 10 Comments

Gunner’s Corner 1

Gunner’s Corner 1

The friendly advice column from everyone’s favorite member of their medical school class.

 

Dear Gunner,

I’ve been studying like crazy for the Step 1 exam, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t stuff anything else in my head. Anything I study now just doesn’t seem to “stick.” What can I do?

-Stuffed-up Susan

 

Dear Stuffed-up Susan,

You sound stressed. I cannot relate, but I have read about “Stress” in our psych text. I suggest taking a break from Step 1 studying, and instead study for your Step 2. It will be a nice change of pace.

-Gunner

 

Dear Gunner,

I’m having trouble balancing my personal life with my medical school commitments? I find myself neglecting my boyfriend, my friends back home, even my dog. How can I keep the important people (and pets) in my life happy while keeping up with my studies?

-Stressed-out Sara

 

Dear Stressed-out Sara,

What is this ‘personal’ life you speak of?

-Gunner

 

Dear Gunner,

I think my boyfriend back home may be cheating on me. What should I do?

-Suspecful Sally

 

Dear Suspectful Sally,

Study.

-Gunner

Tags: , ,

Posted in No. 1, Opinion0 Comments


Headlines

  • Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.
  • Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.
  • FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?
  • Lonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical RobotLonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical Robot
  • Suave Surgery Resident has Unlisted PagerSuave Surgery Resident has Unlisted Pager
  • See More

More Headlines

  • M4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment LectureM4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment Lecture
  • Feinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation SpeechFeinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation Speech
  • Fellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th TimeFellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th Time
  • Your Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CVYour Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CV
  • Residency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental MagnesiumResidency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental Magnesium
  • See More

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes