Featured Stories
M4 Pyromaniac Really Disappointed by “Match” Day
 
M4 Pyromaniac Really Disappointed by “Match” Day

M4 Pyromaniac Really Disappointed by “Match” Day

"I had been excited for this day for months and it didn’t turn out the way I would have hoped.”

High blood pressure guidelines lowered

November 14, 2017

Feinberg Voices After the The American Heart Association and ten other groups redefined high blood pressure as a reading of 130 over 80, nearly half of all U.S. adults now will be considered hypertensive. What do you think? They’re changing already? But I just finished hearing about BP guidelines for the first time! ZOYA RANDI, M1 […]

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Ethical questions posed to class by wide-eyed, bloodstained Tod Chambers

Ethical questions posed to class by wide-eyed, bloodstained Tod Chambers

October 31, 2017

CHICAGO, IL—While reportedly pausing to cast a furtive glance around his McGaw Pavilion classroom, a disheveled Associate Professor Dr. Tod Chambers began Clinical Ethics with an abrupt question, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Kimberly, what’s the difference between doing surgery and stabbing someone on the street?” asked the bloodstained Dr. Chambers, adding that he would really like […]

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Local gunner lives life at 1.75x speed

Local gunner lives life at 1.75x speed

October 31, 2017

CHICAGO, IL—Feinberg medical student Camille Cross was so enamored with the speeding functions of Panopto that she converted her entire lifestyle to 1.75x speed, multiple sources confirmed Friday. Her roommate, Paige Paisley, first alerted fellow students to Cross’s new lifestyle two weeks ago by posting a Snapchat story of Cross watching House and The Bachelorette […]

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Ultrasound-welding oracle portends fetus’ future

Ultrasound-welding oracle portends fetus’ future

October 31, 2017

PRENTICE WOMEN’S HOSPITAL—Flourishing an ultrasound wand with the sagely demeanor of an all-knowing oracle, local obstetrician-gynecologist resident Dr. Adel Emilie foresaw the future of an unborn child, sources confirmed Thursday. Reportedly, the expectant mother Katie Mariana visited Prentice Women’s Hospital Thursday for a glimpse into the future for her 8-week-old offspring. As per his usual […]

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Rejected MSPE “Unique Characteristics” Paragraphs

Rejected MSPE “Unique Characteristics” Paragraphs

April 08, 2016

Below are two student written first drafts of MSPE Unique Characteristics paragraphs that were rejected by AWOME. During his time in medical school, Fred made tenured attending physicians jealous of his impeccable knowledge base, assessments and plans, and bedside manner. He was often asked for his input on multiple consult services that he was not rotating […]

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Surgery Attending Finishes Student Evals in Record Time with Creation of “.MS3” Dot-Phrase

Surgery Attending Finishes Student Evals in Record Time with Creation of “.MS3” Dot-Phrase

April 08, 2016

FEINBERG PAVILION, 5TH FLOOR – General surgery Blue service attending, Dr. Ellis, finished the ten evaluations of the M3s he’s worked with during the last surgery clerkship block, just hours before the 4-week post SHELF deadline. Traditionally, he finishes with minutes to spare, but credits this successful grading session to a new dot-phrase:   Comments […]

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The New Curriculum: Where are we now and how much should you still be complaining?

The New Curriculum: Where are we now and how much should you still be complaining?

April 08, 2016

Location: Capstone.   Cause: One last parenteral bolus of the threads we love most from the New Curriculum.   Complaint level: High (threat level ORANGE).   Rationale: Stealing you from your precious final weeks as a human being prior to starting 80 hour work weeks for the next 3-7 years. This includes, but is not […]

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FSM Class of 2016 Exit Poll: Click to Vote

FSM Class of 2016 Exit Poll: Click to Vote

April 08, 2016

Are you more excited to (circle one):   A) Receive your MD   B) Be removed from the med-market list-serv

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M4 Registers Official Complaint Regarding Unavailability of Lockers at Match Day Celebration

M4 Registers Official Complaint Regarding Unavailability of Lockers at Match Day Celebration

April 08, 2016

Terrence Fitzgeorge recalls the joy he felt in January of 2012 upon learning that he had gained admission to The Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. It had been his dream to one day become a “Wildcat MD” for as long as he could remember, which owing to a series of immature decisions as a […]

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Trends in Residency Interviews: Applicants to be Replaced by Cardboard Cutouts at Meet and Greet

Trends in Residency Interviews: Applicants to be Replaced by Cardboard Cutouts at Meet and Greet

April 08, 2016

University Hospital, NY—Lena Nelson was more than baffled when the residency coordinator from University Hospital contacted her requesting a high-resolution, professional, full-body photograph to be printed as a life-sized cardboard cutout. “Usually when I get these e-mails they ask if I want chicken, fish, or vegetarian—the request to make a life-sized cardboard cutout came from left field,” […]

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Headlines

  • Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.Alcoholic, antivax patient ambivalent about shots.
  • Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.Medical student convicted for vehicular manslaughter after ignoring low yield sign.
  • FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?FSM to Charge You $72.07 for Graduation Attire, Because, Like, Why Not?
  • Lonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical RobotLonely M4 Couples Matches with Da Vinci Surgical Robot
  • Suave Surgery Resident has Unlisted PagerSuave Surgery Resident has Unlisted Pager
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More Headlines

  • M4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment LectureM4 SSRI Rx Quadruples After Required Student Loan Repayment Lecture
  • Feinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation SpeechFeinberg Bane Selected to Give Graduation Speech
  • Fellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th TimeFellow Residency Interviewee Telling You How Bad Weather in Chicago is for 457th Time
  • Your Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CVYour Specialty Advisor Only Doing This To Beef-Up His CV
  • Residency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental MagnesiumResidency Applicant Confidently Nails Interview Question Regarding Intergalactic Applications of Elemental Magnesium
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